haurumph

Dear: Person who is in charge of the wind here in Russia

I would like to file a formal complaint about the weather patterns you’ve been sending my way lately. I sincerely doubt you’ve ever been in a position where you’ve had to hunt for prey in a windstorm, so just let me be the first to inform you that it is NOT a particularly simple task. And seeing that I’m presently very hungry, a temporary cessation of wind-making on your side of things would just be wonderful, if you don’t mind me saying so.

Also, this wind is messing up my hairdo, and frankly I’m really unimpressed by that as well. You DO NOT want to know how much I spend on pomade every month… and now it’s all going to waste because of you and your “seasonal breezes.” NOT COOL, bro! So if you could kindly indulge me my small and very reasonable request for better hunting/hairdoing weather, I would very much appreciate it.

Sincerely,

Aloysius Xavier Coriander Joseph Foxtrotter III

Photo via Planet Mabel, text via Daily Squee.